Living in the future
You know how you always hear that you should live in the now. That it is so easy to live your life dreaming about tomorrow and forget about today. According to people who say so, I might have a problem. According to me I am perfectly fine. Living in the future has gotten me closer to my goals and ambitions. In my mind I am always a few steps ahead, in conversations with others I might get a bit annoying, always talking about the future. If I hadn't been this way, then I would still live in Norrköping, probably working as a retail assitant, pregs at 18, divorced from my husband. Something along the lines. My dreams took me to Stockholm and IB. Then they took me to Australia. During the second half of my first year in IB I was talking about me going to uni, people would raise their eyebrows and tell me to get the diploma first. Half of my high school class hasn't achieved vgery much until this day, over 2 years later. While I am half way thorugh uni.
The point with this post was not arguing for living in the future but maybe to tell you about the backside of it. Evfer since December, since I got back home, I would go on Facebook and long to see my friends in Aus, I would fall asleep imagining myself being in Australia. Taking a stroll with Michaela and Poppy, having a coffee with Steve, doing nothing and being the luckiest person with Jade.
Today is Sunday, exactly a week til I leave Sweden. Every time I hug my mama or my brother I hug them a bit harder and a bit longer. I try to hold on and tears drip down my cheek. I hide it. Every moment of loneliness I remember about the goodbyes I have to say very soon and it makes me sad. Probably the sadest that I have been for a while. The only thing that comforts me is that I am going back to finish my education, to fulfil my goals. This gives me strength and also the motivation to do my best from day one.
Although I must tell you that most of the time I wish that the uni didn't accept my reasons for failing, that the loan company wouldn't have the heart to understand the same reasons. I wish that I could continue being an anti social nobody, just to be close to my family.
Six months has gone by instantly. Living in the future didn't ruin it, because I enjoyed every second of the bickering and loving and all. I am glad that I took leave of absence. I also can say to my self I told you so, 6 months made it so much harder. After 2 years of travelling back and forth I once again got to feel what it feels like being at home. It is a luxury and I must tell you all, once again, embrace your family, give them love, warmth and understanding, every minute of your lives.
Very unhappy atm. It will get better and for months will fly by fast enough. December will be here sooner than ever.
Miss you all in GC! See you all soon!
xxx
I never raised my eyebrows I was one of those sitting beside you and I think at that time I was talking about the U.S and living in that future...you were going to aussie me to U.S and we saw it infront of us...Unfortunately I became one of those who still ...years and years after IB have not achieved anything! Feels crap...but Im about to fix it! =) Felt good to remember that day when we sat and daydreamed about our futureplans...at uni...
URL: http://amandadovelle.blogspot.com